Why You Need a Big Why

Entrepreneur Peter Barton was on top of the world.

Until he wasn’t.

Barton lived a life everybody dreamed of, took pretty damn good care of himself, and was a great husband and dad to his family.

And then on one fateful day, his world was shattered:

A terminal cancer diagnosis.

Work became less important, other experiences stopped holding meaning; he tried to pick up the pieces while mourning a future he wouldn’t get to live. He wouldn’t get to see his kids grow up or grow old with his wife.

Barton shared these thoughts and experiences in an absolutely heartbreaking book called Not Fade Away, and one paragraph has always stuck with me.

One day, Peter’s body was wrecked, succumbing to the cancer, his head ached and his spirit was lower than ever. Defeated, he said to his supportive wife:

“I just don’t see the point.”

She replied, “So find one.”

Finding the point became the point.

Barton was given a life sentence, and chose to “find the point of life” by writing a book his children could read. A book that other people could read and analyze the meaning in their own lives.

I was thinking of “finding the point became the point” while revisiting another of my favorite books, inspired by a recent episode on my friend Bretty McKay’s Art of Manliness podcast.

Man’s Search for Meaning

Victor Frankl was a holocaust survivor, psychotherapist, and creator of a type of therapy called “logotherapy.”

After surviving the horrors of Auschwitz and other concentration camps, he wrote the first draft for his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, in nine days.

He even planned on publishing it anonymously, but at the last second was convinced to attach his name to add some gravity to his story of survival.

It has since gone on to sell 16+ million copies and be translated into 50+ languages.

Frankl’s school of thought, logotherapy, is built around the idea that “the meaning of life is to find the meaning of life for each individual person. He often references Nietzsche’s famous saying:

“He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How.”

Throughout this book, Frankl explains his thoughts and reflections on life as he watched thousands of people die or get murdered.

What’s most striking in this short book is Frankl’s ability to find meaning and hope for humanity amidst one of the worst human atrocities ever committed.

The second half of the book dives deeper into “logotherapy,” encouraging us to find our own specific “meaning”.

“The meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour.

>What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.”

You might not be diagnosed with terminal cancer, nor suffer the atrocities of a concentration camp.

But there’s probably been a point in your life where you’re asking, “Why the hell am I doing what I’m doing?”

We might think asking the question means there’s something wrong with us. That we’re not living in the moment. That we need help.

Frankl feels differently. He thinks asking this question is critical and healthy:

“The greatest task for any person is to find meaning in his or her life.”

What if having that uncomfortable conversation with yourself was actually part of the process?

What if asking that question was the point?

Your “Big Why”

We talk a lot about “What’s Your Big Why?” here in the Nerd Fitness Rebellion.

If we think about it logically, we’re trying to force ourselves to do things we’re not wired (or required) to do.

Of COURSE we don’t want to burn extra calories, get up early to exercise, and avoid stuffing our face with comfort foods.

It requires extra effort, we have to feel hungry, we have to change our behavior. And our brains don’t want to do ANY of that!

This might not be “meaning of life” type stuff…but it’s a really powerful reminder for helping us stay consistent when life will give us anything but consistency:

• Why are we going to get up at 5AM and go for a walk when it’s cold outside?
• Why do we say yes to salads and lean protein when cookies and donuts exist?
• Why do we sweat (gross) and pick up weights (uncomfortable)?
• Why do we force ourselves to breathe heavily and run a 5k or say yes to a yoga class where we feel deeply-self-conscious?

We talk about this a lot with our coaching clients and members of the NF Community:

Having a constant reminder of WHY we’re doing this can often be the thing that keeps us on track during those toughest moments after the motivation has worn off:

Maybe we want to break the generational cycle of an unhealthy relationship with food we learned from our parents.

Maybe we want our children to see that we can be a strong Mom, that it’s okay to sweat and push ourselves.

Maybe we want to feel better about ourselves when we look in the mirror, or that we know we always feel better after a workout than we felt beforea workout?

Your challenge this week is to ask yourself why you’re here:

• Why are you willing to go through the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that come with change?
• Why are you willing to try to learn a new skill, or adjust how you eat?
• Why are you willing to get up early and spend less time on your couch?

Keep going deeper with your reasons. Keep asking “why,” and see what comes out.

Write it down.

Put it on a post-it note and stick one on your fridge, bathroom mirror, car dashboard.

-Steve

###