Now That I Run the Zoo
I’m Obese Shot Despot—super, huge!
My title’s at the zoo, it’s in letters actual bossful!
I’ll put together it the hugest—incredi-bling to look,
And actual quickly all of the population will cheer, only for me!
However zoo’s now a shithole. So unhappy and so woke-y.
The pandas carry out kumbaya karaoke.
The tigers devour tofu. “Child care!” chant kang’roos.
And the ocean slugs debate the most productive pronouns to utility.
Octopi need unions. Ladybugs, human rights,
And the owls stock elections on change nights.
Lemurs, they are saying, are the very worst-ever-est,
Conspiracy commies and unbalanced leftists!!!
I’ll deal this mess—green-light a coup or two,
And produce again the greatness of my large gorgeous zoo.
“So, Despot, what’s the plot . . . to get rid of the Grots?”
Oh, I’ll squash all the ones Grots with my puppy Snarls-a-A lot.
They are going to clompety-clomp while the geese (such large quacks!)
And later spherical a couple of up for his or her “treasonous acts.”
Your stripes proceed the improper approach? Is your fur too flingfloo?
Be careful! You’ll be hauled to the Lame Land of Else-Zoo.
The hyenas get laughs? Platypuses push pot?
I’ll cure all that nonsense—’reason I’m B. S. Despot!
Breaking information! The Despot hassilenced the refrain:
Refuse oinks, baas, or brays (even you, Brontosaurus!).
Get ’em presently, on the Loot-Zoot reward store!
Wombats that call “Witch hunt!”—ten greenbacks a pop,
Meerkat snow globes—too scorching for the snow,
We snatch greenbacks, rubles, crypto—and throw away! ♦
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